Is this a good eye catcher and 1st paragraph to a book?

by admin on June 1, 2012

Question by 7576reds: Is this a good eye catcher and 1st paragraph to a book?
P.s. Keep in ind im only 16

Prologue: Let me start off by saying the worlds in great shape, its year 2027 and we have civil war in Russia…..again.
There’s a big mound of dirt of what WAS China, corrupt and taken over by war, what was once a country of 1.5 billion is now nothing but death, death is everywhere.
The American and Canadian economy has collapsed; people line the streets for bits of scraps.
Thousands die of hunger, disease and exposure every day.
South America has been consumed by the drug war, being civil is not an option, kill or be killed.
Germany has reverted to Dictatorship, 3rd times a charm?
Global warming has caused massive flooding all over the world, earthquakes are a part of everyday life, wild fires have destroyed most of the livestock and food supplies.
The world is collapsing in on its self.
Count your blessings because chances are you wont have them for much longer.

CH 1:
“Sir” SSG. Nick saluted “At ease son, what news have you brought from the East?” General Bryce replied. “Sir” SSG. Nick said laying out a map “we have had a total of 13,000 soldiers killed in France, 22,000 in Italy, Poland and Russia and 7,000 in Spain. The Germans have turned to unrestricted submarine war-fair and have sunk 49 of our battle ships, 67 U-boats, 45 Air craft carriers and have shot down 13 cruise ships, causalities have totaled of 10,670 soldiers and 3,056 civilians.” “Cruise ships?” General Joseph said bewildered “Yes sir” SSG. Nick Replied “but im afraid it only get worst, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Islamic and even some Buddhist Extremist have formed a terrorist group called the “Holy Cleansing” little information is know about them” “Nothing?” General Bryce sighed with hopelessness in his voice “Well….” SSG. Nick said trailing off “Out with it man” General Bryce said turning toward SSG. Nick “If you have something to say, speak it!” SSG. Nick stared down at the floor ashamed he said anything. After a tense silence SSG. Nick came to attention “We have captured one of the Extremists leaders and is being held in a maximum security cell for questioning and torture.” General Bryce looked down upon SSG. Nick with disgust and hate in his eyes “Why was I not told!” He bellowed “We have let thousands of men die and it could have been prevented!” “Why was I not told!?” He repeated. SSG. Nick hesitated but managed to croak a few words “The over lookers of the torture were supposedly looking out for the greater good.” “I know little about the operations.” “Take it to me NOW!” General Bryce Demanded “Im afraid I cant make that happ…” “Unless you want to be placed on the front lines of the Russian Western front, I highly suggest you make it happen” General Bryce said calmly. SSG. Nick twitched “Yes Sir” He said shakily “Please Follow me.”

Best answer:

Answer by Mr. Gumbo
Writing: Work on your writing technique. Too many SSg’s thrown in there and very hard for some people to read.

Idea: Its been done before but dont stop the book. It can turn out very well if you dont stick to the main idea, and have new ideas and turns in it .

Would I read it: Its not my type of book, but dont be offended, i like reading and writing strictly sci-fi books and pyschology books so dont worry.

Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!

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