What do you think of my poem?

by admin on June 25, 2012

Question by Smarties: What do you think of my poem?
The Nanking Massacre

Every time this story is told, my grandfather sheds a tear
Like the boogeyman to a child, this is his worst fear
The massacre by the Japanese that took place on December 1937
Caused five hundred thousand deaths
And also made him an orphan at age eleven.

“Just civilian casualties”, Tokyo Exclaimed,
However it was the opposite of what they claimed
There was a contest of who can kill the most Chinese
A soldier won by causing ninety-seven deaths
Is winning worth causing that many deaths?

Worse than the contest, there were many rapes and looting
Many women were brutally raped,
Young or old, no woman escaped
If they tried to flee they would be shot dead,
The soldiers would do unspeakable things to their bodies, alive or dead

On the topic of mutilation, what the Japanese did best
Opening up countless units to conduct human tests
Even the surgical tools used by the Japanese would plead for mercy
What they did to Chinese can disgust many,
No wonder it is such a huge controversy

The massacre was over within a week
Left the Yangtze River filled with bodies, oh how it reeked
This is so painful for me I could cry for a thousand years
The Japanese still owe the Chinese an overdue formal apology
I can forgive, but I will never forget this horrible atrocity

Best answer:

Answer by marys.momma
It could do with a few corrections – “in December 1937″, “explained”, plus commas and periods where appropriate.

You paint a vivid picture of a historic event. There’s no need to force rhymes, but you might want to give your poem some extra structure by putting it into actual blank verse (unrhymed iambic pentameter).

Basically it’s a very good poem.

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